It’s hard getting laid when you’re a fat-ass fag. Finding a boyfriend is harder. But breaking up with a boyfriend makes the first two look like cake walks.
You go your whole life despising fags who won’t date you because you’re not hot enough. You should be attracted to brains, not looks. It’s the inside, not [...]
Archive for the ‘Allen says’ Category
Quasimodo
Posted in Allen says on February 13, 2006 | 3 Comments »
For Cheerleaders
Posted in Allen says on February 8, 2006 | Leave a Comment »
Gay college boys who weigh 300 pounds don’t get laid. They spend their time watching porn, beating off and searching for sex of the pity variety.
While I spent my fat three and half years in Austin turning over rocks and looking for anyone breathing who would let me put it, Brian was having a bumper crop, [...]
My Directorial Début
Posted in Allen says on February 8, 2006 | 3 Comments »
When Marna started dating a new guy (for the life of me I cannot remember his name), she knew it wouldn’t last. The guy, a former semi-professional football player, was built like a brick house. Although he was cute and had a stable income, something Marna’s boyfriends never had, there was one huge problem: his [...]
One Time #2
Posted in Allen says on February 8, 2006 | 1 Comment »
One time, Marna got knocked up and could only narrow the possible father list down to three, so she had all three pay for the abortion. We used the leftover money to buy weed. It’s what the baby would have wanted.
One Times
Posted in Allen says on February 8, 2006 | Leave a Comment »
I have decided that many of our stories are better told in a concise manner. I call these stories “One Times.”
Here’s an example (this should also help clear up any questions about Brian’s comment on Marna in my cast posting):
One time, Marna was getting car jacked when she discovered that she knew the guy, so [...]
Meet the Cast
Posted in Allen says, Brian says on February 8, 2006 | 3 Comments »
Because Brian and I often refer to people our readers may not know, I thought it would be a good idea to list some of the people we knew in Austin and give a short description of each of them. Brian, I hope, will help complete this list.
(Brian’s comments are in italic)
Here you go:
Allen—our [...]
“Go Fish,” Coming Out and Toddler #1
Posted in Allen says on February 3, 2006 | 7 Comments »
My friend Jennifer has a favorite saying: “Fags tend to lie.”
My father has a favorite saying: “Never let the truth interfere with a good story.”
I like a good story, and I am a fag. But as a general rule, I only lie when telling a story for one of two reasons: the story would be [...]
A Quick Note on QVC Before I Address Toddler #1
Posted in Allen says on February 3, 2006 | 2 Comments »
I am about to take a nap in my Alabama hotel room, and I will finish Brian’s Dobie Theater story when I wake up. Before I slip into a deep sleep, I want to get something off my chest.
In future postings, I will address my QVC addiction and how I would wake up Brian when [...]
What’s in a Name?
Posted in Allen says on February 1, 2006 | 4 Comments »
In September of 1994, Brian bought a townhouse on Montclaire Street in Austin. After a month of living with Aunt Ronnie and Ben, I moved in with him. A bright-eyed, eighteen-year-old freshman at the University of Texas, newly out and fresh from a small town in Arkansas, I hadn’t been exposed to much. I had [...]
